why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
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