Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
