well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
