Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
