i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
