just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
