If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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