Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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