Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
