The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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