the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
