she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
