sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
