What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
