Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
