if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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