Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
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