Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
