I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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