Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
