I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
someone owes me an orgasm
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
