Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
