real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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