I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
