We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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