"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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