My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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