he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
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Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
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My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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