i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
