i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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