I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
