ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
How naked do you want me to be?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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