Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
