connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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