you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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