I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
