she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
