So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
