We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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