he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
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