I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
