1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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