Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
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gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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