there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
