Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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