I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
