i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
