Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
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They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
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Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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