Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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