i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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