If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
