just tell him i said nine months
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
