oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
