Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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