turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I forgot wine drunk hurts
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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