hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
