I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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