sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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