Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
