Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
