if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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