sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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